Mr. Meyer held “Everyone’s favorite virgin” out of contact drills this past week. It was reported that college football’s “Only Begotten Son” had a sore back. Now, for some odd and unknown reason Da GOAT doesn’t believe this for a second. I mean let’s all check this guys stats out: He hasn't missed a game in his entire career, but he has played hurt. Atleast by normal human species standards, for those of us who do not take HGH on a regular basis, anyway. . In high school it was reported that he has also played with a collapsed a lung, torn his aorta, and a protruding jugular…. He received painkilling injections before the final six games in 2007 and played against Florida State and Michigan with a broken bone in his non-throwing hand…… He played three games last year with a hyper-extended knee and a fake left eye (and that was only because the build in night vision/laser/flamethrower in his eye was malfunctioning and required re-programming)…..and he also had surgery on his right shoulder in January to remove a bone spur and reduce chronic inflammation from years of shot putting puppies off of roof tops during Cuban mission trips (Check photo on right side of web page for verification).
Mr. Meyer has since stated that “Robo-Tim” is 100%....but we all knew that the entire time. “Robo-Tim” has always been 100%.......100% Man, 100% Virgin, 100% Money, 100% Made of Steel, 100% winning percentage in “Stratego, Chutes and Ladders, and Pong”, 100% Not human, 100% better than the current economy, 100% in his “post game speech promises”, 100% Gatorade, 100% Bacteria Free, 100% Swam-Wow, 100% Chance of rain, and 110% ALL THE TIME…
I want to be just like “Tim TeBro” 100% of the time…Don’t worry all GAYTOR backers, This Android is not hurt and should be ready to go Week 1 vs. College of Charleston/Hair Care and Tire Repair Center, Da GOAT is all over this story, and it is 100% inaccurate...atleast the "Sore Back" part anyway.....
Reporting the news,
Da GOAT
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3 comments:
This post begs the question, when it comes to the gridiron, Tim Tebow or Chuck Norris?
I'm pretty sure Tim Tebow is a full body suit that Chuck Norris just zips on...you know, to remain low key.. because his elegibilty ended sometime shortly after world war II. IMHO, that explains everythig. Have you ever seen them together?
Given the current state of the economy, I've decided to write Tim Tebow in for every available open seat in Congress. In fact, I'm going to petition for an amendment to alter both houses in Congress. The House will be reduced to one representative in Tim Tebow, and the Senate reduced to one representative in Chuck Norris (no, I do not support the theory that they are the same man. Tebow is a God fearing man, and Norris IS God). I firmly believe this simple change can wipe the deficit clean in 29.2 seconds, end world hunger, and make the Middle East as safe as a Chucky Cheese in Beverly Hills, and just as fun.
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